Welcome to April

I dislike this April Fool's Day joke thing -- and I am not saying this because someone managed to fool me today or something (or even that anyone tried) -- but I did sit here for a grand total of 5 seconds and try to think of something to make a fool's-day joke over. The only things I could come up with were incredibly cruel, which is why I don't like fool's-day jokes (a holiday-specific subset of practical jokes) to begin with.

So. If the only thing I can come up with is faking my death online, I need to write more comedy.

Instead, I'll amuse you with a story about my latest bank statement. Riveting, I know.

I go about my business like most Sidras (work, lunch, more work, secret cabal meeting, watch episode of Stargate, throw out trash, dance around to Tomb Raider soundtrack, have a drink, read book, ritual human sacrifice at midnight, go to sleep. All completely normal.) and find my bank statement waiting for me in the mailbox.

Big wup, right? That's what I thought.

So, being in a mail-opening mood, I actually open my mail. (This does not always happen. Matter of fact, this does not often happen. To be truthful, this rarely happens.)

The thought actually crosses my mind that the beginning of April is...soon-ish or something, and I'm going to have to write a check for rent, and the bank statement is about an inch from my hand.... What the hell, I'll read my bank statement.

Which says "Current Balance: 0.00".

Yes, that's exactly the reaction I had. Hand clutching heart, gasping on floor like a drowning fish. Yes! That face! That's the face I made!

And then I notice what's probably been printed on my statement since UltraMegaBankCorp bought BigBank-U.S., to wit, "when we transfer your BBUS account to UMBC, your BBUS statement will show a current balance of 0.00. "

Oh. That's all right then. Thank you so much, UltraMegaBankCorp, for the heart attack, I can't tell you how long I've wanted one! If this is what I can expect as a customer, why, I'm thrilled to be a member of the UMBC family (FDIC insured)!

Want to take a guess at how many phone calls their customer service number got the day all the BBUS customers got their statements? I'm a little curious about that myself.